In The Mind of Kiya

 damn spanish final.

 sooo it's ABOUT to be FRIDAY!  which means.. 3 more days til i go home for Thanksgiving Break.  I would leave tomorrow, but I NEED that A+ in algebra.  werd.  so i'm leaving my 11am on monday.. can't wait!  so i'm chillin in my room by myself right now, listenin to A.Keys.  i still have spanish hw to do.. buh doesn't matter cuz imma be in bed by 1am.  

school:  goin alright.  did my speech.. i bombed, buh it's fine lol.  we only have 5 more mwf classes and one more speech class.  that means.. THE SEMESTER IS ALMOST OVER!  YESS!  it's sad though, when i come back, i'll have a different roommate and imma be alllllll alone.  buh, i'm happy to say, that i'm not as sick of school as i was last semester.  this one.. well it was actually good, i'm not goin to lie.  also next semester, i will be starting my math sequence.. and contemplating minoring in spanish.  winter of 2010, i'm planning on going to mexico to get credit for my last class (if i don't minor that is).  i couldn't get into a decent spanish class next semester so i think i'll sit it out.  i'm taking calc I, discrete math, cpn 102, and a soc family class.  i'm tryin to add another class, buh it's not looking too well for me.  we'll see how that goes.

boys:  ii got DEADED!!  lol.  i sent frank a message on facebook.. 3 days back?  i asked to hang out over Thanksgiving Break, and he didn't respond.  awesome.  so i guess that's squashed.  i was goin to wait til Thanksgiving to see where things are, buh they aren't anywhere lol.  so i could stop wondering now.  i hope he does well though.  i was really rooting for us.  haha.  moving on  --> sanjiggity.  he's a character.  we talk a coupla times a week... and it's good.  he amuses me once again.  he's nice and funny, once again.  we are good.  he invited me to alfred state uni. this weekend to watch him play ball.  i am considering driving up tomorrow and staying to watch him saturday, and leave on saturday cuz i've got to work.  i don't want to add unnecessary miles to my car and plus it might snow, buh it would be a nice trip.  iono, cuz now i'm leaning against it.  plus, i'll see him on monday.  THAT might happen again.. gosh dern it.

dangit!  i still have to do spanish hw.


the Durkins and all others involved in that accident, you are all in my prayers.

i love the song "Can We Dance" by Zac Efron and Vanessa Hudgens.  it's so cute.  so i got my phone monday night.. it's pretty amazing.  i was thinkin about some things.

when is it okay to go back out with an ex?  is it ever okay to go back out with an ex?  i mean, you aren't together for some reason.. buh maybe a couple of years down the road, one or both of the parties have changed in some sort, that can make that past relationship work in the present.  say if someone cheated on you.. 2 years down the line you two meet up again, are you not supposed to see if anything can work because they cheated on you two years back?  i don't know.. i was just thinkin about it.  like.. me and doug again.  i broke up with him cuz he kept cheating and didn't tell me the truth.  that was the summer before junior year.  buh supposedly, he still  was 'in love' with me like.. last year around our graduation time.. and when he got with his gf laurette, it was only to make me jealous.  so i was thinkin, would i ever get back with doug.  and that answer is no.. simply because he's dating.. her.. now when he said that he couldn't stand her 3 months prior.  ugh. (ishy did the same crap.. stupid).

i just want to know if it's ever alright to date an ex.. 

sanjar.  our problem was that he was misinterpreting EVERYTHING i was saying and that would lead to him being a douche and we'd argue.  that is because he's only been america for two years.. so let's say.. two years down the line.. it'll make a total of four years he's been here and he understands things better.  can i give it another go, or should i hold the fact that he was being a douche to me before, keep me from dating him again?  should i forever hold that grudge?

i don't know.
- - - - 

frank.  i don't know what's the deal with him anymore.  i sent him an honesty box message basically saying that i can't get the night of our first date out of my mind, and that i hope he's doin well.  it's been a week and he hasn't sent anything back.  i know he's been on facebook, myspace, and mobile on AIM.  i think he has my number.  his status on facebook was changed at 11.55pm last night and says that he's angry at life.  i don't get it.  so maybe i'll just let things be and not push it.  i'll wait til thanksgiving.  well i know that i'm working.. i just don't know about him, because he didn't work last year, buh he really wants money, so maybe he'll work this year.  maybe we can see eachother.  i just.. i don't know.  i was re-reading old text messages, and i still don't understand what went wrong.  if we continued on dating, today would have made our 10 month anniversay.. and then his birthday tomorrow.  it's so funny because when we were deciding an official date, i mentioned that it could be o1.o6, buh a month-isary would fall on his birthday.  so i thought it'd be better to be o1.o5, and then his birthday the following day.  yeahh.  i'll send him a message saying happy birthday on facebook, while i'm at work.  it could have been real with him.  i feel that we still might have a chance.  hmm... well, 19 more days til my thanksgiving break.  we'll see then.

dammit.. i still have to do spanish hw.

Oh baby baby baby
I see us on our first date
You're doin everything that makes me smile
And when we had our first kiss
It happened on a Thursday
Ooooo it set my soul on fire
Ooo baby baby baby
I can't wait for the first time
My imagination's runnin wild

---

that right there.. UGH!  it IS like ooooo ooo ooooo ooo!  lol.  only difference is that he does know my name, buh the question is, does he know if i exist.. hmm.  Frank A. Rivera.  He totally has me right now and he doesn't even know it.  We had a thing over winter break last year, and it was great.  heeeeee's sooooo.. ugh!  that verse.. our first date/first kiss was on a thursday.  and he did EVERYTHING to make me smile.  and my soul was (and still is) set on fire!!!  dinner plus a movie at the palisades.. he initiated the hand holdin while walkin to target, and also in the theater.  i leaned on him for the entire time and held his hand, and didn't feel uncomfortable once.  our first kiss in my car in front of his apt.. AAA-MAZING!  i was thinkin about kissin him the entire night, especially in the car when we were talking.  i decided against it because i didn't know how he felt about it., but something came over me, and i just went in for it.  it still makes me happy and all warm inside when i think about it.  the ride back to school.. he was the only thing i could really think about.  we stopped talking after my birthday.. and i want to talk to him so badly.. i want to be with him, buh i'd feel bad because i just got out of a relationship with Sanjarrr.. after Frank, i felt like i was never goin to be happy that way again.  i continued to like him until the beginning of summer, even though things ended in january.  during spring break, he told me that we could only be friends and that made me sad, buh a part of me still held on.  then summer came and we talked a little.. things weren't really back.  it eventually became weird and we completely stopped talking.  i still had that 'he took my breath away' and 'my heart dropped' and 'butterflies in the stomach' feeling everytime i saw him.  he started to ignore me first and that made me angry.. so that was june.  he went on vaca mid june.. then i went on vaca towards the end and didn't really see him.  then i supressed my feelings for him and tried to get over him.  he was gone and i hadn't seen him and i thought i was cured.. until he came back to shoprite and visited people and i saw him and all feelings rushed back.  i was.. in awe lol.  eventually, i thought i had a break through.  a side note, my vaca was a roadtrip to sc.  during the drive.. i believe we were in maryland.. and we were playing alicia keys.  the song "tell you something (nana's reprise)" was on.. and it hit me. 

"imagine there was no tomorrow.  imagine that i couldn't see your face.  there'd be no limit to my sorrow, so all i can say.  i wanna tell you something, give you something, show you in so many ways.  cuz it would all mean nothing, if i don't say something, before it all goes away.  don't want to wait to bring you flowers, waste another hour, let alone another day.  i want to tell you something, show you something, won't wait til it's too late."

she was talkin about the fact that you should tell people who are important or at least once were, how you feel before they go away and you might regret it.  don't want to bring you flowers.. that person could be in the hospital or worse.. being buried underground and you could be putting flowers in their casket.. and that's when it's too late.  so at that time, i was thinkin about Frank for some reason, and i felt horrible.  so i texted him and said something along the lines of that i was sorry if i did something that offended him and that was the reason to why we weren't friends, and that i hoped one day we could be friends again.  i kinda sorta didn't expect him to respond, but he did and he said the following, "me not talking to you wasn't anything you did i just feel really Akward Cause i screwed up."  i felt better when he responded.. buh i didn't get it.  so i asked him what did he screw up and he didn't respond to me.  at that time it was whatever because i was over him.  i haven't seen him since june, that day he came into shoprite.  august 31st, i think, he requested me to be his friend on facebook.  i didn't add him because he rejected mine in february.  it took me a little over a month to add him.  i thought it was weird because it was out of the blue and we haven't really talked in a whiiiiiiiiiile.  i eventually messaged him on facebook and asked him why he requested me, buh he didn't answer.  he just said that he did it over a month ago.  then i messaged him twice afterwards, saying that i wasn't being mean in any way and that i genuinely wanted to know why he added me, buh typical Frank, he didn't respond back.  and that was that.. at the end of september.  haven't really spoken much.  that sunday of buffalo weekend, Jon told me that Frank came up to him and the first thing said was, 'yo did you know Nakiya is dating the guy on 8?'.. and Jon was like.. 'yea.. yea' and Frank said,'hmmm, well i was thinkin about... nevermind.  forget it.'  Jon told me in the car.. and i was jus like wooooooooooooooooooooooooooowwwwwwwww.  lol.  that's crazy.  after all of this time.  i evetually texted Frank and asked what was up, buh he never responded.  I also IMed him some time in the later future, and again, didn't respond.  a part of me wants to give up, but there's that part of me that's like.. you NEED to make this work between you two.  God must be showing you something because he's enabled you to like this boy for a while.  I know there's SOMETHING because i can feel it, and i just need him to set whatever straight.  I just need to see him and maybe touch him to see what feelings i get.  that's why i'm waiting til thanksgiving.. hopefully he'll work and we can see eachother.  that's what we planned last year, but it didn't happen.  i just want to see him and then take things from there.  So i guess thanksgiving break is the deciding factor.

i'm listening to John Mayer and P!nk in the background. Prom is in 2 days.. 2 days from now, I'll be partying it up in a club. So much stuff needs to get done..

*sighs

Maureen just told me that she never knew that I had this live journal. So Diz just told me that no one likes her because she was never invited out anywhere and she sounds so sad while singing "Here and Now" by Luther. Its late and I'm still talking to Khay. I need to get my iPod from my car.



I think I'm going to start things up again..

yeah i haven't typed in here for a while.



i'm on the phone with maureen.
yeah i can't think now.
also talking to Doug and Khay.

yo yo yo. it's been awhile. well, i have homework to do, so i'll go. i'll update this thing later.

~Kiya

Your Deadly Sins

Sloth: 60%

Lust: 20%

Pride: 20%

Envy: 0%

Gluttony: 0%

Greed: 0%

Wrath: 0%

Chance You'll Go to Hell: 14%

You will die with your hand down your underwear, watching Star Trek.

yeah i should be in bed.. buh i'm still up.. yeah. night and happy birthday to bobby.

<3

hi. long time no see, ay? yeah well i have been grounded and stuff. i gotta go cuz of the tourney that's in 7 ta 8 hours or so.. so imma keep it short. went to the mall with geoff, paul, steve, and bk. good times guys. yeah so after that, mother did her weekly question thing and annoyed the fuck outta me. it's not like she fuckin cares anyways. ugh. i am going to bed now. night

Part Passionate Kisser

For you, kissing is about all about following your urges If someone's hot, you'll go in for the kiss - end of story You can keep any relationship hot with your steamy kisses A total spark plug - your kisses are bound to get you in trouble

Part Playful Kisser

Kissing is a huge game for you, a way to flirt and play You're the first one to suggest playing spin the bottle at a party Or you'll go for the wild kiss during a game of truth or dare And you're up for kissing any sexy stranger if the mood is right!

hello. i am cold.




the end.
=)

It's been awhile
Since I could hold my head up high
And it's been awhile
Since I first saw you
And it's been a while
Since I could stand on my own two feet again
And it's been awhile
Since I could call you

But everything I can't remember
As fucked up as it all may seem
The consequences that I've rendered
I've stretched myself beyond my means

And it's been awhile
Since I could say that I wasn't addicted and
It's been awhile
Since I could say I love myself as well and
It's been awhile
Since I've gone and fucked things up just like I always do
And it's been awhile
But all that shit seems to disappear when I'm with you

And everything I can't remember
As fucked up as it all may seem
The consequences that I've rendered
I've gone and fucked things up again

Why must I feel this way
Just make this go away
Just one more peaceful day

It's been awhile
Since I could look at myself straight
And it's been awhile
Since I said I'm sorry
And it's been awhile
Since I've seen the way the candles light your face
And it's been awhile
But I can still remember just the way you taste

But everything I can't remember
As fucked up as it all may seem to be I know it's me
I cannot blame this on my father
He did the best he could for me

It's been awhile
Since I could hold my head up high
and it's been awhile since I said
I'm sorry

fone.chemicals.clothes.clothes.clothes. clothes.pizza.breadsticks.tea.tea.tea.stuff. movies.food.coolattas.max.birds.cleaning.wind. boogeymen.hide-and-seek.marco-polo.fone. friends.
^8.13-8.14

hey! it's my bdae on my half bdae!! YAY ME!!

hey.. came back from naz's party. it was fun. many cool ppl.. some ppl i haven't seen in a while. other ppl i don't need to see.. yeah. i have many glow bracelets.. red, yellow, green, blue, purple.. yada yada. and i took 2 picture frames of naz buh i gave one to bobby cause he didn't take one. yeah i got a ride home from him too. in the back with mo, bobby, and gecile. quite crowded. yeah not in the mood to update.. kinda tired, buh w.e. maybe i'll update later, ay?

you just don't know when to back off. you just don't know when to fucking drop it and mind your own business. you just fucked things up.. big time..

hey. not feeling too great about now. updation later. i am sorry about what happened. i need to talk to you.. like really.

yeah hello. the wedding from saturday was pretty fun. the bridesmaids were beautiful in there light green dresses. and the groomsmen were handsome as well. they had a cocktail hour thing. so everyone ate a lil there. and then the weddin was outside and the whole thing was.. ugh.. it was.. i can't even describe it. i was so touched (no not that way..). i was in an "aww moment" the whole time. and then when they walked down the aisle we blew bubbles. it was sooo cute. and then i wondered what my wedding day would be like. so i wish Mr. Charlie Jr. Stuckey and Mrs. Fonda Stuckey the best of wishes. and i'd like to welcome her to ze lovely family of Jacksons and Stuckeys and Brevards and Abrahams.. yeah the family's HUGE! LOL. yeah so on sunday, i just chilled.. went to shoprtie with mom and sister. and also carvel and dunkin donuts. later on i went swimming. then that was it. today.. i did nothing except watch tv. yup yup. werd. yeah i think that's it. i guess i'm out.. werd, ay?

yup yup. today is the wedding day. geez man. it starts at 12. so i should be leavin my house around now. yeah. i am wearing a blue satin halter top with a black skirt. hmm yeah i guess i look pretty. yeah so if you didn't already know, i came back from cortland thursday night. it was alotta fun and i will attend next year. so yeah.. ugh i gotta go change again. i'll update later.. werd.